I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
