A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Girls should come with a carfax report
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Randomize
