Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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