So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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