So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
