Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
