Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
well you can't waste a boner
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Randomize
