So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I am puke
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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