I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
