how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Randomize
