shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize
