You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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