and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
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