Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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