we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Randomize
