He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
no, he came in my armpit
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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