She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
is wine microwaveable?
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
