It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
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