These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
