I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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