The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
