dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
