I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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