my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Randomize
