Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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