his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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