Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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