i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
And then he peed in my hair
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
