last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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