Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
