When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
