apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
