Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
