Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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