i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
