GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
He has the fingertips of a God
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