i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Porn is love you can see.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
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