So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
