im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
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