I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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