Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize
