**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
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