do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
