she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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