he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
