I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
