If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
