woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I enjoy the company of your penis
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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