I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
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