She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
