We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
