a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
