I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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