She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Randomize
