HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
