Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Randomize
