I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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