just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
