i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Randomize
